So what about those New Year Resolutions?

With this Christmas upon us, I thought it was timely to talk about resolutions. I wonder how many of us actually make a resolution and how many follow through with what that is. The easiest thing for any of us is to stay the same, each day – that way we know what to expect and we know how to respond. So what is it about change that can make it so challenging? Many things that hold us back from change can be the doubt or fears we hold in our own minds about what is possible. We may fear if we challenge something, we may not get it right the first time, someone will think badly of us or even get angry. We may think we couldn’t do it, maybe we don’t even really want to do it – yet. What we are doing now gives us so much comfort. How long are you willing to live with that comfort before it no longer feels comfortable? Or – what would you regret if you never took the opportunity to do what you really wanted to when you had the chance?? Consider you are at the end of your life – what would you like to look back on? Is there some nasty habit you wish you had broken, is there something exciting you would like to have tried such as skydiving or scuba diving? Did you want to write a book, travel, change jobs or spend more time just being??  Many of these things are at your fingertips if you are willing to commit to giving it a go. The reality of it all is that many of us give up just when we are about to succeed. So – what are the real costs of not following through on your New Years Resolution?  Will another year simply sail by and nothing really change? What feelings do you get when you meet someone you haven’t seen for a while and they tell you about some major accomplishments they have made? Does that leave you thinking – ‘well I haven’t really done anything’ and leave you feeling a bit empty or worthless? Would you like to be that person with their nose to the wind sniffing out the next opportunity or simply enjoying the journey of life?  Would you like to be the person that thinks life is pretty good, has a relaxed persona and nothing ever seems to be a problem. What could you do in your life to give yourself some of that right now – today? How often do we wish our lives away? When we are at school we just want to finish, learn to drive and start to live.  Once you find your first real job, what are you thinking now? Maybe you have young children and every day seems filled with burden. Maybe you have teenagers and you are still trying to work out where their personalities have gone. Maybe the kids are off your hands and you find your nest is empty and you don’t quite know how to fill it again.  So looking to your year ahead, sit back and ponder about something that gets you excited, something that fills you with joy, contentment or just puts a smile on your face.  Could that be the New Years Resolution you will be resolute to? If your resolution is to quit smoking or lose weight – think hard about what rewards maintaining the comfort zone you are now in. Consider what the downfalls are. Which side is winning? Now think about what your life would look and feel like if you were able to control and act positively against your nasty habit. Is that something that is putting a smile on your face? The only things you need to achieve this are commitment and a place to find the support you need on your way. For smokers, it may be finding support through the use of nicotine replacement therapy, having your partner quit at the same time, asking for positive reinforcement from those around you or creating a daily journal of what is happening for you with a written goal to support your focus. If you want to manage your weight – do you in your heart and mind truly believe you can do it?? Commit to this with a positive affirmation of I can do it and I will do it! Get the information you need on diet or exercise. Use a support program if it helps you strengthen your focus and don’t give up! Find a friend to work out with and again get those around you to support and encourage you. You are worth it! Don’t think that if you have a bad day that it means every day after that will be a bad day too. As you begin to make some positive gains, tap into that power and positiveness will grow inside you. You may think I tried that before and it didn’t work or I did not succeed. Past experiences do not necessarily mean that pattern will repeat itself. The key is to look back at that past experience and learn from it. What could you do this time to overcome a previous challenge? Remember again, many people give up just before they really succeed.  Your goals could be more aligned with a lifestyle change, career change or travel. Spend some time visualizing what this will look like so you know exactly what you need to go after. With a clear picture in your mind, it is far easier to find the action steps you need to put this change in place. Before the 1^st of January, create an action list of 100 steps – the smaller the better, to piece together what you need to do to attain your goal. These steps can include a bit of self care on the way.  If you don’t have a clue about what change you need to make, take stock of how much fulfillment you get from your life today. If your life is OK but you don’t exactly walk around with a smile on your face each day – your resolution could be to look for 3 positive things in your day, each day. You will be surprised how filling your life with the gratitude of what you have already can change your perspective. This can really change your life! So for your New Years Resolution, think about what would make this coming year different from those years before it. Whatever you decide – COMMIT to it and TRUST yourself you CAN do it! Let the journey begin…. 

How would I like to be remembered?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been doing a bit of soul searching and reflecting back on my life. A friends’ father died and it caused me to reflect on my relationship with my parents. At the funeral, I also thought – what would I like to be remembered for – what would people say about me at my funeral.  What is said at funerals and what is not said is a testament to that persons life.  So what would I like people to say about me? What would people say about me now? Who would come to my funeral?

A couple of years ago a remarkable man passed away. He was very passionate about many areas of his life. His funeral was a testament to the life he lived. There were lots of people there and they all had great things to say about him and he had very proud children. His passing was a sad day. My guess is, that he had a life with few regrets. He enjoyed what he did and whatever he did he put in his best – always. He was happy, he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind and he was well respected.

I guess I would like to think I could be remembered in the same way. If I am honest with myself, I have some work to do to get there. Some passions to follow, some assertions to make and to commit 100% to whatever I am doing.  I think I have had more of that in years past. Maybe I have lost my way a little, become disillusioned at times and allowed negative thoughts to rob me of my true happiness. Taking on more than I can easily manage and becoming a mother has made my life more busy in the ‘what else do I need to think of for others’ sense. Being a mother has brought out the best and the worst in me. However, not a day goes by where I do not marvel at my 3 children, their easy happiness, the way they tell me I am beautiful and that they will live with me forever (princes attached).  The simplicity of this joy and marvel grounds me each day.

I would like to think I would leave this world ‘worthy’. ‘Worthy to have lived and to be remembered for having made a difference. As a coach, I believe I can make a significant contribution to the lives of many others. Add richness, hope, happiness and fulfillment. This would make me worthy. In past years, when I have looked at ‘the wheel of life’ and paused to reflect on ‘contribution’ it has never been something that has resounded with me as I did not feel what I could give monetarily was significant enough. I also felt at this point in my life I would not be willing to give time ‘freely’ to others yet still keep all my other balls up in the air (relationships, occupation, personal time).  As a coach, I can help others – something I have always enjoyed doing. What makes it something I enjoy? I enjoy the connection and the appreciation of helping others. As I have grown older, and hopefully somewhat wiser, I believe it makes me worthy. I no longer demand the appreciation. I like to know that I have somehow been part of their transition, but ultimately they now have the skills to move forward in their life for a more fulfilling future.

These thoughts make me very committed to coaching. I can take it to so many apsects of my life. To my family – in assisting my children to make better choices in their lives, with my husband to build a stronger and more meaningful relationship and to feel we are on the same team – always.  With friends to support them to move forward in areas of their life when they feel stuck or are struggling. With work colleagues to gain clearer direction and as a coach, to many, to be a spark for their transitions in their lives. As a coach there are so many areas where coaching can act as a support – addictions, unhappy relationships, career decisions, through adolescence. This is my glimmer of something to work towards in the future. That I could contribute in some way to a support group with my coaching. 

In the mean time, I commit to a lifetime of learning. To continue to question my actions, beliefs and thought processes. To be ‘in tune’ with myself when something does not ’sit right’, to work out what it is and act on it. I will forgive myself and look at mistakes as learnings, to problems as challenges and to honour my intentions.

I commit to success, happiness, honesty, freedom, harmony and commitment itself.